Chattanooga Pulse

I just accepted my 655th friend on Facebook. And believe it or not, it was someone I see on a regular basis and hadn’t “friended” yet—online at least. The fact they weren’t already in my inner cyber social circle got me wondering how many of my close friends are missing and how many not-so-close friends are in there.

I’m not one to proactively “friend” people or “friend” everyone who asks me. I actually ignore as many friend requests as I accept. I generally ignore just about anyone with whom I haven’t spoken to—in person—within a reasonable amount of time, if ever. I ignore friends of friends unless they seem like someone I’d like to get to know better. And high school peeps are out for the most part. If I had wanted to stay in touch over the past 24 years, I would have stayed in touch…or hired a private detective to find you by now.

And dare I say it, but I have been known to “unfriend” as well. Now that doesn’t mean we aren’t actual friends any more (although it likely means we were only acquaintances to begin with). It generally means that either I don’t know you very well, or you have worn out your Facebook welcome. Too many status updates. Too many survey invites (or results). Too many Mafia Wars. Too many intangible “gifts” that I can’t use (especially the drugs). Or too many irrelevant and/or embarrassing posts to my wall that have the other 654 of my friends wondering what I was thinking when I friended you in the first place.

Now, I’ve heard of late—I’m slow with technology—that I can just “hide” you from view and that will eliminate having to put up with these social inconveniences without the blatant slap in the face of unfriending you. However, I didn’t know this when I eliminated a couple of dozen or so of my friends a few weeks ago. Boy was that a mistake.

First of all let me state that, no offense, I could care less if you friend me or not or unfriend me or not. I’ve had more than a few friends do it to me I’m sure. In fact, I’ve noticed a few ex-girlfriends that have decided they could care less what I am up to these days and proactively dropped off my list. That’s fine with me. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed they were gone had I not been searching for another friend of the same name. Some people though, take the gesture of “unfriending” a little too seriously.

I’ve actually been approached and called out in person by a few of those I’ve decided not to have in my friend list any more. At the time I played dumb and told them I didn’t know how that could have happened. But I do know…and they know I know. And I admit it now. I deleted them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like them as people. It just means that our cyber relationship may have reached its expiration date.

You see, social networking requires a special set of social skills. And these social networking skills are a little different than normal face-to-face social skills. When you agree to be someone’s cyber friend, you are entering their life at the same level as anyone else on their list. You can follow them as much as you want, interact with them more frequently than in real life, and have the opportunity to be as much a part of their lives as anyone in their family or close friends. But with that 24/7, uncensored access comes certain responsibilities. Let me explain.

Likely you have different things in common with different people. And not every one of your how-ever-many friends is interested in the results of “Which 80’s Song Are You?” or appreciates the joint you send around every single freakin’ day or wants you to write “good to see you last night, or should I say this morning, at 2 a.m. last call” on your wall so your boss can easily figure out why you didn’t bother showing up for work. It’s okay to bring this kind of stuff up in person (at the next bar, for example) but to say it online for all 654 of my other friends to see is just not cool.

I signed up for Twitter (under duress) a couple of months ago but have yet to send my first “Tweet.” To me, Twitter takes social networking to a level of “big brother” that I care not enter into. I mean, it’s cool to read that Shaq is chillin’ at a McDonald’s somewhere in Miami at the moment. And I know, I know, Twitter is great for following news sources and other subjects of interest and isn’t limited to “I’m sitting on the couch. What r u doin?”

But I know my friends, and that’s the kind of Tweets I’d be getting. And to be honest, I really don’t care what 90 percent of my friends are doing right this second. For me, not knowing is one of the few mysteries of life that I still cherish.

Think about it. If I follow you and you follow me every single step of our lives, then what’s there left to talk about when (or if) we see each other in person. Pretty soon, the request of “I want to get together and catch up with you” or the question of “what have you been up to lately?” will be obsolete. And that’s just plain sad.

Don’t get me wrong, social networking can be a wonderful thing. I feel more in tune with more people in my life than ever before. I can see pictures of parties, weddings, new babies, vacations and other adventures that provide a unique glimpse into the world of my friends. I can manage my social calendar, look up dates/times/directions and see who’s going to be where at any given time. And these days, that’s kind of cool. But like all things, social networking is certainly better—in moderation.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his wildly popular website  www.thenoog.com