Chattanooga Pulse

Ah, Christmas shopping. The task we all love to hate and hate to love. Part of the romanticism of the season all bundled up in credit card bills that’ll take until summer vacation to pay off. And for what?  So we can say we got somebody somethin’ for Christmas?

A couple of weeks ago I suggested that we should all just forego the tradition of buying everyone we might possibly be related to a gift and instead either buy nothing, or purchase something for ourselves and tell everybody what they got us. That way you’ll get what you really want, and hopefully within budget.

But that column may have only diverted about three-tenths of one percent of our readers from following their normal holiday habits of buying everything in sight—especially if it’s a good deal. It was reported on our sister news radio station that folks were camping out at one store for up to two days—missing Thanksgiving altogether, mind you—just for the slim-to-none chance of earning one of the 30-something coveted Black Friday coupons for a next-to-free computer and/or flat screen television.
I don’t care if Cameron Diaz herself was inside to help me get the TV home so we could hang out and watch movies together, there is no deal on earth that would prompt me to wait 15 minutes, much less two days to procure.

Bottom line, you’re still giving them your money whether you’re lucky enough to get one of the 30 golden tickets or not. Because there’s no way in hell that you are going to leave a parking lot you’ve slept in for two days without at least going inside the store once they open the doors—coupon or not. And that’s how they get you.

It’s the big box retailer, bottom-feeder method of existence. Entice the crowds with a couple of loss-leaders and then jack the price of everything else up a little to cover it. And we fall for it every year. Or at least some of us do.

Other consumers work the Internet for their shopping so as to not subject themselves to the traffic and crowds that populate that massive tract of land between civilization and Ooltewah. And the retailers have finally embraced the technological side of sales and started offering “door busters” on their web sites as well. But I’m sure those offers don’t prompt as many empathy purchases as those from disappointed shoppers with asphalt sleep marks on the side of their faces.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s not much I can write to change the minds of those who insist on spending everything in their piggy bank on ungrateful kids and unresponsive old folks. But I can suggest where to trade your wampum.

The economy is in the crapper and no other retail entity is feeling the stress of the elusive dollar more than locally-owned brick-and-mortar shops. Stores like Rock/Creek, Blue Skies, Leo Handmade, Winder Binder, Shadowbox, Area 61, Charlotte’s Web, Grapevine, Smart Furniture, OCI, N2 Shoes, Revival, Susannah’s, Plum Nelly, Frankie & Julian’s, Amanda Pinson Jewelry, Back Street Betty’s, Embellish, Rock Point Books, Suck Creek Cycle, River City Cycle, Trek Cycles, Scenic City Scooters and too many more to mention.

Having been a part of the receiving side of retail trade in the past, I know firsthand the struggle of trying to compete with the big boys and their loss-leaders, door-buster deals, kick ass web sites and free shipping. But the local mom n’ pops have one thing those bastards will never have—soul.

There’s nothing original about buying someone one of the mass-produced, “hot items” of the season. If you’ve seen a commercial for it, then opening it up on Christmas day will be about as exciting as watching the nightly news…twice.

The only thing worse is a gift card for a store that you might possibly think the recipient would (or should) shop. Might as well slip a fifty in their breast pocket and give ’em a little pat on the ass. It’s about as classy.

If you really want to buy a heart-felt, one-of-a-kind gift that will not only exemplify your originality but incite a delightfully surprised reaction from the recipient, then choose something that was chosen just as carefully by the local retailer—and help a neighbor out in the process. It’ll make you feel as warm as that spiked egg nog that helps make the family visits so enjoyable (or at least tolerable). Cheers!

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his wildly popular website www.thenoog.com