Chattanooga Pulse

With the ringing in of the New Year came several annual frustrations. First, there’s the ink-laden over-correction on all of the ’09’s that you’ve mistakenly entered on every document where a full date is required. Then there’s the getting used to people adding the phrase “back in” to every anecdote that relates to 2009. And then you have to get new calendars and close year-end records and make new goals and start diets and so on.

But in addition to the normal year-starting conundrums, this year poses a new problem—the turn of the flat “10”—which makes it difficult to determine an intuitive generality for referencing the next 12 months. No more can we hide behind the nicety of normal multi-syllable numbers such as ’76 or ’99 or rely on the crutch of the prefix “0” (pron: “Oh”) when recalling any one of the last nine years. Nope, we’ve got a new problem—and it’s called the “pre-teens.”

You see, 2010, 2011 and 2012 won’t be as easy to refer to in the dual-digit format. Ten, eleven and twelve don’t roll off of the tongue as easily as the “teens” or higher. Twenty might prove to pose a similar problem, but we’ll be fine again by ’21.

Consider this. When we say we’ll be somewhere or do something “in 10” (or 20), we mean minutes—like the sign on the shop door when the cashier is in the john. And, simply blurting out “11” or “12” without some sort of readily-apparent, specific context might just get you a visit from the men in white coats.

Think about it. You’re sitting there and someone says “man, 11 was awesome” or “things are looking up for 12.” You’d think they were bonkers. But 13, well, 13 means something very different. Thirteen definitely references a YEAR (and hopefully not an unlucky one).

I have no idea how we handled this issue way back ten years after the “turn of the century.” I don’t mean this past turn of the century—1999/2000—because that’s not what anyone means when they use the phrase “turn of the century.” They mean 1899 to 1900. Probably because that’s when all of the “turn-of-the-century antiques” were originally produced.

And we’ll never be able to change the minds of those Antique Roadshowers. They’re a little old-fashioned anyway (no pun intended). Besides, we were so worried about the end of the world during this past turn of the century that the subject never came up, and the re-reference never caught on. Just slipped right through the cracks I guess.
Anyway, it’s nearly impossible to Google “What did we call 1910 back in 1910? Was it 1910 or just 10?” Nothing pops up. And sadly no one is around to ask—unless their 100th birthday is a distant memory. I can just imagine what some old crotchety salt would spout off if you had the nerve to ask. “We called it the ‘gilded age’ you idiot—now where’s my cake?”

Up to now, referencing the last nine years has been easy. We just said “0-whatever.” Like “0-7, 0-8, 0-9.” Very different from “’99” or “2000,” and it sounds really cool when you say it. In fact, there’s some kind of hip, futuristic thing going on there.

That said, instinct now has me wanting to refer to this year using the opposite of the “0-something” naming convention. So instead of “0-9” like last year, this year would be “1-0.” But that concept has its limitations. Next year couldn’t be “1-1” because everyone in corporate America knows that “1-1” always refers to January 1st of the next year. “We need those TPS reports by 1-1” someone might say for example. And “1-2”? That’s what you say (for some strange reason) when you are testing the working order of a hot microphone—“check, 1-2. check, check, 1-2, 1-2.”

So now what? Well, fortunately there’s an out. We don’t have to refer to this year as anything but “this year” until next year. Then we can say “last year” for the next 12 months. And then, in 2012, we can say “two years ago.” And so on. Fact is, we may never have to refer to this year by number ever again, which would suit me just fine.

But if you come up with anything please let us know. I’m sure that we won’t be able to dance around the issue forever.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website www.thenoog.com