Chattanooga Pulse

This week I want to re-visit the topic of “change,” which I wrote about in this column exactly one year ago, and have elaborated on a few times since.  Several letters I’ve received and conversations I have had throughout this past year had a lot to do with the concept of change.  Why is it scary for some and reassuring for others, when after all is said and done, it’s inevitable?  Seasons change, relationships change, jobs, homes, attitudes…and every seven years or so every cell in our body has changed.  So as we end one year and stand on the threshold of a new one, it strikes me as the perfect time to once again visit the topic of change.

Just before Christmas last year, I had the wonderful opportunity to hear Jennifer Holliday perform live at a benefit for the Urban League of Chattanooga.  If you’ve never had the chance to hear her use that amazing instrument of a voice to pull emotion from a ballad like sweet taffy, or give a well-known classic her own special, jazzy spin (she calls it “Jenniferizing”), I highly recommend you pick up a CD or keep an eye peeled for her next performance.  (For those of you unfamiliar with Ms. Holliday, she played “Effie” in the original Broadway production of Dreamgirls back in the early ’80s.  You may recall her memorable show-stopper, “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going.”)

But even beyond the meal, the awards, the conversation around the table, and the performance, I was particularly touched when Jennifer (I feel we’re on a first-name basis since we had our picture taken together) spoke about the changes in her life and career.  In particular, she mentioned that when she talks about “personal change,” the first thing people think of is the external change to her body.  Since her stage performance in Dreamgirls, she’s lost 200 pounds.  She indeed has a very different body now.  But that’s not the kind of change she means.  She spoke of the change to her internal world—her attitude and spirituality, her self-esteem, her outlook on life and toward other people.  Even after the Herculean task of losing 200 pounds, it is this internal change that means the most to her.  Her heartfelt words were very inspiring.

And she reminded me of the Buddhist philosophy, Everything Changes.

If you think about it, the way you feel about everything…your parents, your kids, your friends—even the way you feel about yourself—changes all the time, maybe every day, maybe every moment.  The way you feel about your partner today isn’t how you’ll feel about him/her a year from now.  Nor is it the way you felt when you first met.

The life you lived as a child obviously isn’t what you live now.  The way you first kissed as a teenager isn’t how you kiss now.  Your views about sexuality, spirituality, relationships, your own life…everything changes.  Sometimes in big, grand, obvious ways, like a geographic move across the country, and sometimes in ways so subtle it escapes your awareness, like gentle shifts in your self-esteem during the course of the day.  Loved ones die.  Loved ones are born.  As we change, others participate in the dance of change with us, and we, in turn, influence change in others.

As we prepare to cross the threshold of a new year, what is your relationship with change?  Is it something frightening, to be avoided at all cost?  If that’s true for you, you undoubtedly have reason to feel that way.  The wonder years hopefully provide our young lives with enough healthy consistency to grow on.  But when consistency is lacking, we become adults who hold on too tightly, We fear change, seek control.

For others, change is not frightening, but is welcomed, renewing, comforting.  Ask yourself: Do you handle change best in baby steps, or in big leaps?  Looking back, what has been the biggest change in your life this past year?  What has been the biggest change within you this past year?

Looking ahead, what changes do you wish to see for yourself in the New Year?  Can you stop holding on so tightly in order to allow for them?  One of my favorite quotes proclaims, “Until you decide you are worthy of more, you will be content with less.”

Hmm, perhaps a mantra for your new year?

Change is at the root of all growth.  Although challenging, you can learn to put yourself in the driver’s seat and decide—set an intention—to reject your fear of change, your need for control, and, in this upcoming year, do it differently.

Until next time, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”  — Eleanor Roosevelt