Chattanooga Pulse

You’ll recall that a few weeks ago in this column we looked at the ways we abandon and rescue (not pups or stray cats), ourselves.  How we let ourselves down, and how we regain the fortitude to pick ourselves back up.  I mentioned examples such as: a newly sober person experiencing great disappointment because of falling off the wagon.

For someone else it may be abandoning personal principles in order to move up the corporate ladder.  Another person may abandon himself with shameful or remorseful behaviors.  Or we simply give up on ourselves—our hopes and dreams.  There are countless ways we abandon ourselves, ways both big and small, through thoughts, words, and actions.

This week, in part two, I want to pick up the discussion by looking more closely at our thoughts, and the power within us to rescue, and to become, who we want to be.

Let’s start here:  Everything begins with a thought.  And when we think of ourselves poorly, we make choices that reflect those thoughts.  When we think of ourselves with healthy esteem, guess what?  We make choices that reflect those thoughts.  From small, daily decisions to large, life-altering ones, our thoughts lead the parade, followed by our feelings, words, and actions.

“I’m not deserving of…” is a perfect example of what I’m referring to.  “I’m not deserving of good health,” for example, leads to not exercising.  Or those extra slices of pizza.  “I don’t deserve to be loved” leads to unhealthy relationships.  Where you work, where you live, who your friends are, right down to what you eat for breakfast…on and on.  What you think (and feel) about yourself determines all your choices.  (Regular “Shrink Rap” readers have heard this part before.)

So how do we rescue ourselves from the cascade of thoughts that threaten to spiral us down into living not our highest selves, but our mediocre selves, or our lowest selves? How do we not spiral down into those places where we feel dark and hopeless?  Or stupid, or unattractive, or unworthy?   How do we stop abandoning our “better selves?”

Last time I suggested the use of meditation, prayer, conversations, ponderings, living as mindfully and consciously as possible, as a few ways which can bring you back to center, back on track again.  And when we cannot (yet) rescue from within, we can reach out to friends and loved ones for help.  Talking helps.  We can find and observe healthy role models.  We can discuss the problem with the dog.  (Well—or therapist.)

Now I want to add something to what you’ve often heard me refer to as your “Big Bag O’ Tools.”  (And you might even enjoy this!)

Take a few moments throughout your day to imagine what it would be like to be the person you wish to be.  Imagining—using your thoughts, your creative mind—is just the beginning, and is the all-important beginning.

Perhaps you’d like to be more confident.  OK, what would confident feel like?  What would it look like?  Try it out, today, by making one decision at work the way you envision a confident person would.  Then see how it feels.

Maybe you’d like to be a more fun person.  What would fun look like?  How would this change the way others see you, and the way you see yourself?  Today, think of a joke you heard lately and go share it with your neighbor, partner, kids, or co-workers.  Find the humor in something that would normally annoy you.  Today, be a more fun person.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to be a writer.  Or a painter.  Or a singer.  How would it feel to tell others that you make your living as a writer?  (Or painter or singer?)  How would that change the way you walk, talk, dress, greet people, experience the world?  Make this real with the power of your mind and today, go write down a really great (or goofy or naughty or loving) note to your sweetie.  Or go paint something…anything.  Just paint.  Or go sing, loudly, even if it’s in the shower.  But do it today.

You can play with this, have fun with it!  Today, be a rock star. Be a wonderful lover. Be a comedian. Be smart. Be attractive. Be a healer. Be deserving.
Use the power of your mind to think it, and let your feelings feel it, and notice the shift that occurs.  Go from thinking in ways that abandon you—i.e., you don’t deserve your hopes, dreams, inner voice, capabilities—to ways that rescue the inner you, the previously dismissed and ignored you.  Think thoughts that empower you, entice and delight you.

Instead of giving up, think thoughts that rescue you.   Today.

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.”