Chattanooga Pulse

Regular readers of this column have seen numerous references here to what I call the “Big Bag O’ Tools.”  This refers to the collection of internal resources and coping mechanisms that get developed through those, let’s say, “character-building” experiences we all have, should we choose to learn from them.

Your own Bag O’ Tools might include knowing several ways to quell your anxieties or lift a depression; how to calmly and maturely address problems with co-workers or a lover; ways to shift a temporary bad mood toward a positive perspective; and endless other techniques for living your best self.  This coping collection is unique to everyone and is developed over time, by thoughtfully navigating through life and learning the abundant lessons that are always present, with both positive experiences and challenging ones alike.  Therapy is often a lot about creating new tools to put in your bag.

The great news is that with practice and time, you’ll find more and more of your coping tools being used naturally and easily.  At first, when you’re going through a stressful time or experiencing a challenging moment in life, you’ll need to take a breath and quite consciously go rummaging in your bag for the best way(s) you know to handle the situation.  But eventually, you’ll experience the happy realization that, “Hey, I used my tools and coped with that problem better than I ever have…and it came naturally!”

Well, your Big Bag O’ Tools is there for precisely this reason:  to help you lead a happier, more successful life.

As you develop and strengthen more and more internal resources, and find successful ways to use your tools for both the small, everyday situations as well as the larger, sometimes life-altering decisions, you’ll feel ever more empowered to be living the life you desire.  You’ll find yourself designing your own universe, your own path.

Maybe you’re trying for a promotion at your job, or you’re thinking about building your own business, or doing better in school.  Perhaps you’re wanting to improve your relationships with friends, or to start dating people that are healthier for you.  Maybe you’re ready for an attitude adjustment.  Or you need a new, bigger romance.  A new, bigger circle of friends.  A new, bigger sense of joy in your life.

Here’s how to utilize your tools as part of a 5-step process that really puts you in the driver’s seat:

The first step is to state your intention clearly.  For example, “I am ready to meet someone wonderful.”  Or, “I welcome all new experiences that will help my business to grow.”  Or, “I am becoming a more reliable, responsible person.”  You can see how these sound a bit like mantras, or affirmations.

Next, think about it, talk about it, write about it, meditate on it, and do whatever keeps your goal upfront and center.  Thoughts and words have energy and manifest results, so keep them clear and ever-present.

Now search your own Big Bag O’ Tools to see if you possess the internal resources you need for you to reach this goal, or if you need to develop some new ones.  Sometimes you might find yourself needing more “practical” skills, such as greater business knowledge or a friend to mentor you.  So not all your tools will be internal, but nonetheless your awareness of what you already possess and what you need to acquire—both internally and externally—is the goal of this step.

This is the “action” step.  Collect the data, skills, and experiences that are all around you, to be used to help you strengthen your abilities.  If, for example, you’re ready for dating, then as you walk around take note of the people who seem happy, the ones who catch your eye, who seem to possess the qualities you want in your life.  If your goal is about business, what skills do you admire about other businesspeople?  Are they especially good listeners?  Good leaders?  Good at attracting talented folks around them?  What do you notice…and admire?

Finally, let yourself be someone who is receptive to any and all lessons, messages, and experiences that relate to your goal, and can go into your Big Bag.  Listen to the universe on the level of what I call, “quiet receptivity.”  By this I mean that you can find invaluable guidance and inspired thought from, literally, anywhere.  IF you are listening.  A great conversation, a passage in a book, a song on your iPod, sitting on your back porch—these are all fertile grounds for inspiration.  Observe.  Listen.  Take it in.

When you start to appreciate the tremendous value of consciously increasing your own Big Bag O’ Tools, you start to see that your abilities can lead to success in any and every part of your life—relationships, work, friendships, caring for others, child-rearing, developing your spirituality, and in general becoming the best you you can be.

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.”  Visit his web site at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.