Chattanooga Pulse

“Go out into the world today and love the people you meet.”  That was said by Mother Teresa, and is one of my favorite quotes.

It’s also one of the hardest philosophies to practice on a daily basis.  Love everyone…seriously?  Including your partner’s racist, bigoted uncle?  And the mean woman across the street who complains if your yard needs mowing?  And that brat who rides his bicycle over your monkey grass?  Really?  I gotta love them?

You might wonder: What’s the point?  They certainly don’t love me.  And of course you might be quite right.  Maybe their actions have you reacting to them in, let’s say, unlovable ways.  So, you find that you’re pretty mean yourself, at least toward them.  Or you become intolerant of the intolerant bigot.  Maybe you ride your metaphoric bicycle over their gardens, too, by how you think, feel, and act toward them in response to who they are.  Now we have their behavior influencing your behavior, until the whole thing becomes a tango of animosity and resentment.

Well, that certainly won’t get us anywhere.

I saw a poster recently that said, “She didn’t just survive, she became.”  What I love about this is the fact that we are all—every single one of us—survivors of something.  Maybe it’s cancer.  Or child abuse.  Perhaps you’ve survived a divorce or particularly painful break-up.  Maybe right now you’re surviving some family dysfunction, and can’t seem to find a way to navigate through it.

Maybe you’ve survived bottoming out with alcoholism or drug addiction, and are on the road to recovery.  Or you’re in the midst of grieving over the recent death of a loved one.  Every wonder what your partner is surviving, being partnered to you?  A short temper…grouchiness in the mornings…financial problems.
Some of these might seem like small matters, and others more like large, life-altering issues.  But they all share the same theme:  They tell of a situation, event, or relationship that had to be survived.

Now let’s take this a step further.  What happened to you when you survived your problem?  Did it make you bitter, increase the acid in your stomach and alter your outlook on other people, on life?  Was a seed of prejudice planted because you viewed the problem as the result of another group of people, a group you don’t understand and therefore fear?  Are you feeling emotionally battered, with nothing left to give?

Or did something else happen:  Do you feel a humble wisdom, a sense that you’ve grown from the difficulties and emerged, not necessarily unscathed, but somehow better for it?

There is a Chinese character that says, “In adversity lies opportunity.”  Did you discover an opportunity to become a better person for the adversity you survived?

The question becomes, did you survive? Or beyond that, did you become someone stronger, enriched, perhaps someone who’s now more understanding of others?

I’ve heard it said that harsh reality is a window to sweet liberation.

So who have you become?  Are you liberated now, freed from hatred toward that racist, bigoted uncle?  You know, maybe he suffered physical abuse as a child, or poverty, or really bad parenting.  Are you freed from feeling meanness in your heart toward that mean neighbor?  Perhaps she was beaten by her husband of 30 years.  Maybe she’s suffering a disease.  Or maybe she’s just mean.  So what?  That’s her karma, not yours.  Are you liberated from impatience with the kids who still have some important lessons to learn about respect for others?  Teach them.  Don’t bite when a bark will do.

Go out into the world.  Today.  And love the people you meet.  Well, at the very least, realize that they, too, are trying to survive something, and are in the process of becoming someone new.  Kindness is never wasted.  You never know…they may become a future friend, or lover.  Or, because of your kindness, they may simply become someone who’s going to pay it forward.

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.”