Chattanooga Pulse

Written by Pulse Staff
Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:32
A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, and the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department.
• One would think that drug dealers transporting large quantities of narcotics along the highways would be sure to observe all traffic laws

Including not speeding or following too closely. One would quite often be wrong, though, as two black market pharmacists were stopped on I-75 for tailgating a tractor-trailer. During the traffic stop, deputies became suspicious of the two men and during a search of the vehicle discovered cocaine, marijuana and digital scales. Along with whatever sentence they eventually receive, if found guilty, the judge might want to consider tacking on driving school lessons.

• How much beer is worth going to jail?
This week’s answer is twelve. Police were responding to a shoplifting call from a local convenience store when they spotted a man answering the description of the thief carrying a bag over his shoulder. When police questioned the man, they heard the distinctive clanking of glass bottles from inside the bag, and opened it to discover the purloined twelve bottles of brew. He was taken to jail, the beer was returned to the store, and the clerk has a great story to tell his friends at a Labor Day barbecue.

• Police reports are often filled with reports of simple thefts.
But how often do you hear about someone stealing a dog house? That’s what happened to a woman over on 12th Avenue last week, according to police. She told officers that she heard a noise in her back yard and looked out the window to see a man grab her dog house, throw it over the fence, and then drive off with the canine residence in the back of a red Jeep. For those wondering, there was no mention in the report of the dog whose house was stolen, but we assume he is alright.

• Being a police officer is difficult.
The hours are long, the pay is low by many standards, and the threat of constant danger and harassment hangs over their heads every day. That said, we cannot imagine how one officer was able to manage keeping a straight face when writing up a report of a disturbance over on 26th Street. A woman called police to report a man creating a ruckus at her house, said man leaving as soon as she dialed 911. The amusing part is that man is known only as “Dookie Butt”. No, we are not making this up; truth is always stranger than fiction.