Chattanooga Pulse

Written by Pulse Staff
Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:30

•Managing a fast-food restaurant is not the easiest of jobs.
Especially for the manager of a Brainerd Road establishment, cornered by a freelance income redistributor as he was locking up the restaurant for the night. The man took the manager’s cellphone and ordered him to unlock the door and get the money out of the safe. Thinking quickly, the manager unlocked the door, then darted inside and locked it behind him before the robber could follow him. Police were called, prompting the hapless holdup man to retreat into the night, his plans for easy money foiled by quick thinking and quicker door operation skills.

•When upwards of eight women come to your house wanting to fight you, it is generally a sign that you might want to reconsider how you treat the opposite sex.
A woman on Hendricks Street called police after a group of obviously unhappy ladies showed up at her house, demanding to see a man who was staying inside. They tore a mailbox out of the ground, knocked down a storm door and were trying to break down the front door when police arrived, forcing them all to scatter, leaving their car idling in the middle of the street.

•By now, nearly everyone has heard the urban legend of the man who woke up in a bathtub of ice with his kidney missing.
But what is the equivalent of discovering that your car has been relieved of its catalytic converter? That’s what happened to a woman who returned to her car parked in the Eastgate Town Center lot to discover it running much louder than before. It’s also the same thing that happened to a woman on Glenwood Drive, and apparently almost happened to a man parked at Memorial Hospital. Whatever happened to stealing car radios?

•When your last name is Outlaw, how likely is it that you will live up to the name?
In the case of a local man with the descriptive surname-pretty likely. Agents with the Tennessee Alcohol Beverage Commission conducted a sting operation centered around the sale of oxycontin pills by a retiree named Outlaw. After a controlled buy of 100 pills alleged to be the popular painkiller, Mr. Outlaw was taken into custody, where one would hope he not only rethinks the direction of his life, but maybe a possible name change.