Chattanooga Pulse

“[whistle] The pack is released followed sharply by the [whistle] jammers as the bout of the century gets underway. Delia Pain checks behind her to see where her pivot is and then booty bumps the nearest opponent off to the right. Going around turn three, Llama Trauma checks Death-Dealin’ Drew forcing a domino move that wipes out at least three blockers and makes way for jammer Tape Worm to take the lead scoring position. Now she’s rounding the track at top speed, the ref counting off point after point as the rival pivot quickly devises a plan to put her jammer in better scoring position or take Tape out—whichever can happen first before the two-minute bell.”

What the hell? But that’s the kind of play-by-play action you’re in store for at the long-awaited first exhibition bout of the Chattanooga Rollergirls this Saturday night at the Hamilton County Convention & Trade Center.

Now, to the average red-blooded guy (and even some girls), few things are as intriguing as seeing a bunch of bad-ass, tattooed chicks in fishnets and skates asserting their dominance and dexterity as they roll around a gym floor at high rates of speed with the sole intent of scoring points and knocking each other down. And to the untrained eye, that’s basically all you’ll take away from your first bout.

But I wanted to know more. So I sat down with Chattanooga Rollergirl “Delia Pain” and some of her teammates to discuss the physical demands, strategic subtleties and somewhat complicated rules of the sport.

And after hearing what they had to say and seeing a scrimmage in their practice space at the North Chattanooga Recreation Center, I was fascinated by the commitment and determination this perceivably campy sport can inspire.

These girls are very serious about what they do. They practice and scrimmage at least a couple of times each and every week. They’re learning moves, devising strategies and encouraging teammates as if they were in a spring training camp down in Florida swinging bats and hoping that this will be the year they win the pennant.

“We’re in it because it’s a team sport and we’ve all become really close friends as a result,” says Devin Gobble (aka “Delia Pain”), whose day job is as an ICU nurse at T.C. Thompson’s Children’s Hospital. “It’s the only full-on physical sport for women,” adds   Katie Schultz (aka “Death-Dealin’ Drew”), team manager and enthusiastic advocate of the sport.

In fact, across the country, more and more teams like our own Rollergirls continue to pop up as people way too young to remember its origins are getting serious about Roller Derby all over again.

The idea of ladies competitively skating in a “roller derby” dates back to 1922 and promoter Leo Seltzer, who wanted to emphasize the physical contact and teamwork of the sport. But what he invented would later become a revolution for pin-up-punk, black-leathered bad girls around the time The Fonz was banging juke boxes at Arnold’s. In fact, I think there was even an episode of Happy Days that featured the Tuscadero twins battling it out around the rink just to get a thumbs-up “Aaaay!” out of their shared boyfriend.

But new life has been pumped back into the sport since its popularity fell off in the mid-’70s. Nowadays there are close to 80 sanctioned teams coast to coast that participate in the World Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA)—the entity that sets the rules governing sanctioned inter-league bouts among its affiliated teams.

In order to become a sanctioned WFTDA team, you must complete an entire season of playing the “B squads” of sanctioned teams to prove that you have an organized, skillful contender ready for the big leagues. That’s where our Chattanooga team is at this moment. Saturday’s exhibition match is just a prelude to their first official (albeit unsanctioned) season which begins in March and ends sometime next November.

The Chattanooga Rollergirls was originally the brainchild of three friends back in early 2008. Ali Burke, Anj McClain and Karen “Rudy” Rudolph loosely organized the first incarnation of the team to promote the team spirit of comradery and fun for local young women like themselves. And it was Burke who carried the torch far enough to get a true team together before passing it along to the ladies who’ve taken the Rollergirls to where they are today.

The current group is lean, mean and highly organized. With a couple of CPAs as team members and official public relations representation, these girls are working hard to mimic the kind of successful grassroots local support experienced by the Chattanooga FC soccer team during their inaugural season this past spring.

So in order to get you prepared for a more informed, enjoyable time Saturday night, I’ve devised a quick summary of how the game works for you to study in the locker room just before the bout.

Two teams send five players each onto the rink—three blockers, one pivot and one jammer. A striped helmet cover is used to denote pivots and one with two stars is used for jammers.

The referee starts each two-minute “jam” period by blowing a whistle once for the pack of blockers and pivots to take off and then again for the two jammers (positioned behind the pack) to take off. Points can only be scored by the jammers who, after passing the pack the first time, earn one point for each opposing team member they legally pass.

The first jammer to pass everyone in the pack achieves the status of lead jammer for the remainder of the jam and can decide to end the jam at any time before the two minutes are up (especially if her team is ahead in points and wants to shut down the other team’s scoring potential) by placing her hands on her hips repeatedly to signal the ref.

Now, to impede the progress of the opposing team’s jammer, players may block using anything God gave them above the mid-thigh, excluding forearms, hands, and head. Illegal use of body parts can mean a stint in the penalty box where players can adjust their tutus, mend their fishnets or just retie their skates.

In fact, despite their campy qualities, the rockabilly and burlesque fashions of the sport actually serve a unique purpose in many cases. Leg warmers help prevent shin bruising, short skirts help provide unimpeded speed and agility, fishnet stockings help curb rink burn, and tattoos—well, tattoos (along with violence-laden rink names) work well as an intimidation factor.

But don’t you be scared to catch the action this Saturday night. It’ll prove to be one of the most fun and interesting events the ’noog has to offer. Go Rollergirls!