Officer Alex gives an expert explanation of bustin’ a cap
No matter what anyone says about shooting somebody, the worst part isn’t how much it makes your ears ring. Okay, let’s not discount that aspect completely (tinnitus is no joke, ugh), but the actual worst part is that, well...you have just shot someone.
Also up high on the worst aspects is how much attention it can garner. I mean people start to freak out and call 911, or get their own guns out, or call 911 AND get their own guns out, and the next thing you know you’ve been awake for 32 hours largely spent waiting on detectives to stop slap-assing and laughing about crap in their offices while you sit on a steel bench in a taupe hallway decorated for a holiday that passed months ago, and all you want is a damn glass of water because WOW are you all of a sudden thirsty and should I have an attorney...?
(As described from a friend. Of course.)
While extremely complicated despite being such an easily executed act (pun!), there are actually only two ways to shoot someone on purpose: With cause to do so, and without cause to do so.
While there are many varieties of both, lets stick to the most commonly discussed form of intentionally shooting someone by an otherwise law-abiding Jane or Joe: Popping the proverbial cap in a burglar.
“If you shoot a burglar in your own home, you’re going to jail right alongside them.” “If you shoot a burglar, you better kill them or they’ll just sue you and take your house.” “If you shoot a burglar outside your home, you better drag them inside or you’ll go straight to jail.”
So many common schools of thought, yet so little accuracy. Just do what most people do rather than ask an expert: Google it. A quick search will show multiple examples of the way to do this and the way not to do this.
Summer before last in Memphis, a home owner arrived to find two gentlemen ransacking the inside of his home. As the homeowners guest fled, the two burglars began firing pistols wildly in his direction; the homeowner took this opportunity to get into his hallway closet and bust out his AK-47 and return fire, killing the two untrained marksmen deader than last week’s traffic reports. Instead of being charged, he was only left with a terrible mess to clean up (and I’m not just talking about the sheet rock damage here)—and one of the victims was a minor.
In September of this year, a Memphis area homeowner saw someone messing with his security cameras outside and upon confronting the person doing so, they struggled and the attempted burglar was sentenced by the court of Smith & Wesson to an unexpected death in the grass. No charges. Same area in October, a homeowner confronted two auto burglars who chose to shoot at him. One of the two was instantly killed, the other is still being sought. No charges.
Alternatively, in the same area (Memphis) during the same month, someone observed a man stealing a chainsaw from a shed and gave chase. And by “gave chase,” I mean he shot him in the back with a sawed off shotgun, killing him. THIS time, the citizen was booked and charged with murder.
Of these examples I hope for you to draw two conclusions: First, stay the @#$% away from “Memphis.” Second, note the difference in what is and what is not grounds for arrest. Inside or outside, if you are shot at, lunged at, or otherwise placed in perceived danger, you are perfectly allowed to defend yourself. But if someone is running away, it turns out that is the opposite of you being in danger and the self-administered death sentence is frowned upon. (Vigorously.)
You can’t wound or kill someone over “stuff.” No person’s life is worth more than a pressure washer (even one of those SWEET NorthStar models, WOW). But in defense of your own life? That’s the difference in prosecution...which is as simple a concept as the choice of NOT committing a crime that could get you killed over a pressure washer in the first place.
Questions?
When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.