There's a schooling of "zoonoses" on the loose
“Okay, everyone, take your seats …now, today is the 50th anniversary of the development of the COVID-19 vaccine. So, I thought we’d use today’s class to discuss the Pandemic of 2020, the lessons that were learned, and how it relates to today’s world. Now, who can tell me how the pandemic started? Rogers?”
“Uh, somebody ate a bat?”
“Actually, the original vector for the virus was never determined but we do know it came from some animal. What do we call a virus that crosses from one species to another? Anybody? Well, we call those things zoonotic or, if you are talking about more than one, zoonoses.”
“Now, what were the symptoms of COVID-19? Anybody? I…alright Ellie, go ahead.”
“The most common symptoms of COVID-19 were fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Some patients also had aches and pains, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat or diarrhea. These symptoms were usually mild and began gradually. Some people became infected but didn’t develop any symptoms and didn’t feel unwell. Most people (about 80 percent) recovered from the disease without needing special treatment. Around one out of every six people who got COVID-19 became seriously ill and developed difficulty breathing. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like high blood pressure, heart problems or diabetes, were more likely to develop serious illness. People with fever, cough and difficulty breathing were advised to seek medical attention immediately.”
“Did…did you memorize that?”
“From the historical section of the World Health Organization website. Yes.”
“Well. I’m impressed. If you submitted that in a paper, I’d suspect you had copied and pasted it and just changed the tenses of the sentences.”
“Ms. Poole! I would never do that! It’s extremely important information that has to be presented without error, so I memorized it.”
“Well. Good for you. Moving on…what precautions were people told to take to slow the spread of the disease?”
“Um, wash their hands for five seconds?”
“Yes, but it was for twenty seconds. Early 21st Century soaps needed that much time to be really effective. They could also use an alcohol-based hand scrub.”
“Didn’t people hoard hand scrub solutions? And, um…”
“Toilet paper. Yes. But, we’ll be discussing The Reprisals, the re-introduction of the guillotine and the universal adoption of the bidet tomorrow. What else?”
“Why did they hoard toilet paper? I thought COVID-19 was primarily a respiratory disease.”
“Honestly, nobody knows why they did that. Probably panic buying.”
“Like the panic buying of socks and thongs for COVID-65?”
“Yes, I suppose so. Back to the question: What other precautions were people told to take? Jenkins?”
“Err, self… love?”
“Ew!”
“Gross!”
“Calm down everyone! I think what Mr. Jenkins meant to say was ‘Social Distancing.’ An awkward phrase that simply meant keeping to oneself. And, if you had to go out in public keeping at least three feet between yourself and everyone around you.”
“Three feet?”
“Oops. I meant one meter. Two meters was even better. Sorry. I’ve been binge-watching ‘Historical Blunders’ and I stopped with the ‘Obsolete Measurement Systems’ episode last night.”
“By most accounts, ‘Social Distancing’ was the hardest pill to swallow. It caused great economic turmoil and led to the closing of many businesses, with the arts and low-wage worker communities being hit especially hard. In many cases world governments had to step in to prop up wages and enforce curfews and travel restrictions. But, it helped to slow the spread of the disease to the point where hospitals could deal with the influx of patients…right. What else?”
“Avoid touching your face?”
“Yes! Hands are particularly fond of picking up viruses and COVID-19 was surprisingly good at surviving on surfaces outside the human body. Plus, the human head is literally full of holes, so touching your face was a great way to shove the virus directly into your body. What else?”
“Sneeze into your elbow, or a tissue?”
“And throw that tissue away immediately, yes.”
“Stay at home if you were sick?”
“Yes…”
“Ms. Poole…am I missing something? Aren’t these just common sense measures?”
“Yes. But, people have a tendency to spread misinformation when they are panicked and, well, COVID-19 caused a bit of a panic. So lots of people did the wrong things and the disease spread much further and faster than it should have but once people calmed down and began to follow those simple steps, things turned around pretty quickly.”
“Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Before we get into guillotines tomorrow, we’ll have a quiz on COVID-19. If you want to pass, I’d recommend you review the COVID-19 section of the World Health Organization web site at WHO.int. It has everything ever learned about the Pandemic of 2020. Class dismissed.”
Steven W. Disbrow is a programmer who specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems development, an entrepreneur, comic-book nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personality and parent of two human children.