Reading this will calm your nerves today and all year long
You know that overwhelmed sensation where it all feels like too much? Maybe you can’t see how you’re going to get everything done in time. How did this list get so long? It’s paralyzing to even think about.
Most people know the feeling: the heart-racing, shallow-breathing anxiety that accompanies a full plate of obligations, duties, tasks. It doesn’t feel good. Maybe these stressed-out moments lead you to gaze out the window, wishing you could just take off for a while…go on a really long drive, or cash in the kids’ college fund for a week of white sandy beaches and mai-tais.
Anxiety is about the future. So, when you feel it, you can use the feeling to realize that you’re not at all being present. Perhaps this is what happens to you at the holidays, or special occasions that you want to go “just right”. Perhaps you have a long-term relationship with anxiety and would benefit from a conversation with your physician or a therapist.
That “spiraling out of control” feeling, that mountain growing out of a molehill, may begin with one or two challenging moments, and then increase in a way we therapists refer to as “generalizing”. Generalizing means that a thought starts out small, but expands beyond the original issue, until the problem no longer feels manageable, but instead feels quite overwhelming. It’s a snowball rolling down a hill.
Sometimes this anxiety is best helped with medication. Your therapist or physician can help you decide that. However, meds aside, let’s look at ways to reign it in, and you can add these to your Big Bag O’ Tools. Because it’s very empowering to feel that you have the tools you need to regain some control.
1. First, breathe. At the very first signs of anxiety, you’re breathing will be shallow, so it’s important to take 5 to 10 slow, deep, gentle breaths. This helps keep not only your mind from racing, but also helps your physiological systems to calm down and function normally. What you don’t need right now is more adrenaline. You need to slow down and return to center.
2. Second, realize that what’s happening is about perspective. You’re seeing the issue all at once, it’s too big, and so of course it’s going to feel unmanageable. Let this feeling be your red flag that cues you to start looking at it differently.
3. And here’s how to do that: Take the big picture and break it down into small, bite-size pieces. Allow yourself to think in terms of “one step at a time”. Right now, all I have to do is make this phone call. Then, done with that—now all I have to do is gather my things and walk to my car. Now—all I have to do is start the car, breathe, and drive to the store. You get the idea. You can’t eat a whole plateful of food at once. You take it a bite at a time. This is the same way to treat your anxiety.
4. Create a mantra for yourself, beginning when you first awaken, such as: Stay present. Just focus. One step at a time. Keep it simple. Breathe. Whatever catch phrase helps you stay with yourself, and not abandon yourself.
A few other practical tips that could help: Make a list and divide it up over several days, instead of trying to do it all today. Elicit the help of a friend or friends to help with some of the tasks, making it more fun and take less time. Learn to delegate, learn to say no, learn that you are a priority.
My holiday wish for you is that you can enjoy every bit of it, without worry, without needing to be perfect or taking on too much. Remember that it’s all about being with loved ones, being grateful, and sharing the spirit.
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Until next time: “You owe it to everyone (including yourself) to find pockets of tranquility in your busy world.” — Georges Bernanos